Tag: life

Time to say goodbye

Time to say goodbye

Living the military life can be both incredibly awesome, and totally miserable. You get to live in places all over the world, on the military’s dime, and you get to experience things you’d never normally experience thanks to this. The flip side of this travel […]

Poor little Azzie

Poor little Azzie

My poor little Azzie monster, she got herself another hot spot AND an ear infection at the same time, in BOTH ears. Thanks, Georgia summer. This hot spot was so enormous that the vet was astounded at the size of it. They had to sedate […]

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday

wordless Wednesday

Blunt Talk Begins

Blunt Talk Begins

I have decided to create a new category/post type/segment/blog series called ‘Blunt Talk.” I’m going to talk honestly (thus the “blunt talk”) about the things that people want answers for, but are too scared/ashamed/embarrassed to ask. The weird things, the gross things, the interesting but […]

A tiny bit of inspiration

A tiny bit of inspiration

A little bit of inspiration to put a smile on your dial:   The trick is remembering that at all times far more is happening on your behalf than your physical senses will ever reveal. Like right now. Because of how much you’re loved,     The […]

Musings

Musings

My heart is still very sore over the loss of my Macky-Moo. But it’s now an ache that sits quietly and doesn’t make me feel like I’m going to burst into ugly tears at any moment. It’s a bittersweet ache.

I’ve been thinking a lot about life, about death, about the circle of things. I’ve always liked the symbol of the circle. Infinity. Life, Death, Life. Things carry on, whether we want them to or not. We can’t stop time. We can’t stop the world. We can’t step off and wait until our heart feels less broken, or our mind catches up with us after a trauma, or while we catch our breath and try and get a grasp on WHAT just HAPPENED?!. The Earth keeps spinning. Mother Earth.

I’ll die one day too. This thought used to terrify me when I was younger. Much younger. I thought about these things when I was a very young girl. Especially after losing a member of my family, whether they were human or animal. I could dwell on it for days. A dark cloud settling over me. Because I was such a solitary child, I don’t think anyone really noticed. Which is fine. That’s the way I wanted it. I didn’t like to talk about the way it made me feel. I could talk about it now, I suppose, but years of keeping it all inside make me loathe to start doing that.

Now, being older with more life experience under my belt and knowing that I’m a survivor and that I am stronger than I appear (outside and inside) the thought of Death simply makes me sad – leaving behind the ones I love: human and animal. Not having done the things I wanted to. Said the things I wanted to. I’m not scared of dying itself. I’m scared of what follows. Not for me, but for the people I leave behind. What makes me feel small is that the world WILL continue turning. The Earth will carry on without me (for the moment) and my energy will go … somewhere…. but I have no control over that. I think THAT is what scared/scares me. The way Death takes over and you no longer control anything. Even if you never really controlled anything.

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So after losing Macky, I’ve been dwelling. Thinking. And I’ve been trying, desperately, to live in the Present. For me. For my dogs. For life in general. For the Universe, Mother Earth, The Goddess – whatever you want to call that overwhelming force that binds us all together – so that I don’t go weakly, but I do go calmly, serenely, without TOO many regrets.

With this new thought pattern and attitude comes a curiosity (caused by a dream I had) to explore new ideas. Or old ideas, as the case may be.

The Moon. I’m drawn to it and always have been. Now, I am trying to be more aware of the Moon. Of how I feel at what point in the Cycle it is. I am a woman. I am attuned to the moon. I want to see where I go from here.

The cry of a crow. When you least expect it.

And there it is

And there it is

So, people – there it is. Goal weight. Or should I say _initial_ goal weight (I still want to lose a little more, but this was my first goal to reach, to keep me motivated) I wasn’t expecting it, as I’ve been feeling a bit […]

An interesting article

An interesting article

My friend Steph posted this article about a topic that’s quite inflammatory and divisive and seems to be intensely debated over the last year or so. I know where I stand – I don’t see why women who choose not to have children are vilified […]

A New Year

A New Year

So. 2015 huh? And still no flying cars. Tesla’s are cool, of course – but they don’t fly…. yet. ISIS are making a concerted effort to f**k the world up. America slips deeper into idiocracy. (That movie is a scary warning, which unfortunately no Americans […]