Tag Archives: I miss home

My favourite colour is October

Living in the Northern Hemisphere, I’ve come to appreciate the changing of the seasons in this Northerly way – October is the start of my favourite part of the year, this cooler part of the Wheel of Seasons. October is Autumn (I still call it that, and I don’t think I will ever call it “Fall” despite only hearing that from everyone here.) and it means turning leaves, quieting forests, crisp cold mornings and evenings, gathering animals, the last harvests. and the feeling that the veil is thinning.

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Soon, the rain will come, the dark skies and icy wind, muddy paths and wet shoes. The feeling of needing to be silent, thoughtful, ponderous, solitary. Warm clothes, warm drinks, hearty food. I know I will be baking more bread, making more soups and stews, and adding my home-grown dried herbs and spices to it all.

If last year here was anything to go by, it will not even be a pale cousin of what this time of year is like in Germany, but I’m happy just to be able to wear a jersey or coat outside. And boots. I can’t wait to wear my boots and thick socks and take the dogs into the deep forests, where it’s dark and quiet and you feel like you are being watched: Because you are!20150319_090516

On more mundane things, I have a few updates:

I’ve completed Part I of my school and now wait for them to unlock Part II. Not much more to do now – but thankfully, I get time added for this Part II, or I’d never get it done by the deadline from the previous Sections.

Sitting here at my desk without anything to do butwait, I find a kind of peace. A quiet before the storm. The gathering of strength and resolve before the last stretch. A day where I can do what I feel like, at my own pace, on my own time. No demands on me today. My time is my own. So I’m listening to some awesome music to get me in the October mood, and I think I might just go and bake a cake or some bread or something. Or maybe just a brew of oranges and cinnamon to make the house smell like magic.

Another update: We’ve been here for 1 year and 6 days, as of today. My birthday passed quietly. A weekday with the same old routine. It was perfect. Dogs and I discovered a new set of trails, and we’ve been enjoying the cooler mornings – which means longer walks for them. Beginning of November means I’ll have been away from home for 5 years now. December will mean 6 years married to this unique, interesting, adventurous, kind, keen, caring and comfortable man of mine.

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I miss home. When decisions are made and we settle somewhere, I will definitely be going home for a holiday on my own. My blood sings for my home turf, my home earth, my home hearth, my home heart. More lost beloved fur family, and more lost human family while I have been gone. I just hope my Mardi girl can hold out until I can see her again. I still ache when I think of not saying goodbye to my wee Macky boy. Knowing he, and the ones who went before, all lived long, happy lives, loved and spoiled and cared for, doesn’t make it any easier on my heart.

Macky
Macky
My beautiful Mardi Gras
My beautiful Mardi Gras

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other, little updates: Odin and Azzie and Gina have made some friends – most importantly is Maximus. He’s a 7 year old Husky mix and he’s absolutely beautiful and gentle and my dogs adore him. Odin also adores his owner, Ellie, and seems to be quite besotted with her. He gives her a full body waggle when he sees her – which is rare for people outside his “pack”, and he did this right from the first time he met her and Max at the dog park.  We also met 2 youngsters (today, actually) called Zeus and Athena, and they seem to get along well too.

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A mental raccoon moment

*rustle rustle*

Hello 🙂

I realised I haven’t posted in a while and I wanted to gather myself a bit and put down my thoughts from the last few weeks.

 

* Azzie is coming along very nicely. We seem to have sorted out her tummy issues with careful application of 100% pure pumpkin for when it was very bad (yes, I will swear by it) and boiled chicken and plain rice (white or brown, it doesn’t matter – they both work) – first as total meal, and then adding her dry food very slowly. Now she is eating her full portion of dry food, but still with chicken and rice (just a little bit) which I am slowly removing, once we know her stomach is completely settled and stable.  I think they both got a bug, which they passed back and forth between them for a few days. So I washed all their toys, bowls, Kongs and bedding and blankets and it seems to have gone away… We’re taking it slow, and we’re sticking to one brand of food, too. I don’t think our search for the “right brand” helped her puppy tummy, either.

As far as her training, manners, behaviour are concerned: we are impressed. She sleeps through the night, no issues and she is learning very fast. They are highly intelligent, these dogs, and she’s definitely on a par with Gina, despite her young age. We’re working on a few bad habits (that she picked up from Gina as well) with both of them, but we see progress every day, so it’s a positive thing. I’m trying my best to use positive training – but I would say I use a mix of it. I’m not 100% positive reinforcement, as much as I would like to be.

I adore Azzie, and I am learning to love her (I will admit we butted heads a lot in the beginning and we still do sometimes – she’s very stubborn) but I must say that it was much simpler with just Gina. She and I were tight. Close. Amigos during the day and when husband went away. I just hope she doesn’t feel like she’s been usurped by Azzie, because I still love Gina far more – that’s being honest. I don’t dislike Azzie – not in the least – and I wouldn’t want to lose her now – she is part of our family and we stick by her through everything –  but I think that it was such a huge undertaking, such an enormous jolt to our quiet little lives, when she arrived, that my … id? my ego? my… nature?… something… it’s still settling. She’s only been with us just on 2 months now. It feels like forever though – and not always in a good way, to put it bluntly. I was so used to my calm, gentle, well-behaved G-Girl, that it was just an attack on my senses: this wild, stubborn, enormous pawed, white toothed monster who took whatever she wanted, ate everything, lay where she wanted, didn’t listen to anyone, pushed Gina around and jealously destroyed toys that Gina had had for years if we paid too much attention elsewhere. At least _that_ has eased off.

She is lovely though, and her personality is finally emerging and she’s calming down and settling in with us and I know she is happy now she has a family too – and I would never take that away from her. I would never want to! She grows on you 🙂 I am sure that in a years time we will look back and laugh (and sigh in relief) that all this “crazy” is over and she’s a sweet, kind,  gentle, CALM, little munchkin – like her big “sister” Gina.

* More snow! We’ve had a few days of snow now, and apparently a few more to come… which is awesome, as I love the snow and so do my dogs! Husband is not so keen, but he knows the dogs love it, so he grumbles less when he takes them out and they play around like hooligans in it 🙂 You can’t help but pick up on their enthusiasm for the weather… it makes you smile.

* My sewing should pick up again as soon as my sewing paper arrives – tracing paper for patterns. I tried wax paper and it worked, for one brand, but every other brand I tried is too slippery to write on, so I had to give that up and just buy proper stuff online.

My material for my pencil/wiggle skirt arrived, so I can’t wait to start on that either.. that should (SHOULD – without puppy interruptions, of course) be a one day thing, maybe two. I just really want to COMPLETE something now… I’m tired of sitting here in seamstress limbo…

Starting with this one Just need some snaps

 

* I was asked to take photos at another military ceremony (a promotion for an awesome man and great officer) recently and I was honoured to be asked. Photos came out well, despite my Speedlight giving me issues. I know that I have grown as a photographer, when something like that doesn’t phase me and I still manage to get the job done! The Viper Pit has honed my skills, for sure.

* I’m missing home terribly, recently. My friend Steph says it’s probably because everything is settling into a “normal” routine here, and I finally have come down to earth and feel the distance because I am no longer focused on other things (my green card, viper pit, school, moving). I miss my mom. I miss my beautiful dogs back home too, and my gorgeous cats. I even miss my brother.

* My husband is moving forward nicely in his school, and I am exceptionally proud of him. He’s almost completed his Maths module and has seemingly discovered a strange love/hate relationship with mathematics that he didn’t realise he had. I think I felt the same at one point, when I was in school, but after my head injury my brain is just too scattered sometimes to focus as one should. I’ve managed to keep up with him, so far, and managed to help him figure out some steps a few times… but mostly I just feel a bit pathetic and lost. It’s a horrible feeling for me – I’m not saying I was a genius before, but it’s times like that when I become aware of how much my thought processes have been scrambled from my head injury, and because I have not had to “use” those processes necessary for mathematics and more “logical” thought (which is surprising, for someone who is, generally, very logical and rational) I seem to have “lost” the pathways necessary for it. I’m very sure that with repetition and practice I would get it back, with new pathways formed in my brain, but I am a little scared that if I try, and it doesn’t come back… I am scared of how I would feel. I would feel humiliated. I would feel “less’ than I was before. I think I avoid “trying” so that I can’t disappoint myself.

That’s being pretty honest with myself. I didn’t think I could put that down in writing. There it is.

I need a cup of tea and a headache tablet.

 

Stay strong, TBI sufferers. There’s always hope, and we have more strength than we know.