Hello Universe, it’s me, the crow. Not feeling very harmonious right now.
Could I ask a little question? Why? Why this time? Why now? When we were _so_ close to actually getting what we wanted. So close to the dream job. So close to the career path that would finally make him happy? Why shut it all down? Why slam the door in his face? Why let those idiots get the upper hand, once again? It was all on track. It was all go and things were finally looking up. Never mind the moving around, or the uncertainty of where we would end up – we didn’t care! We were just happy that it was finally coming together, finally on the right road, finally heading somewhere promising. The light wasn’t a train, it was the sunshine of a promising future at the end of a very, very dark tunnel that he’s (we’ve, really) been struggling through for years and years with this petty unit… but oh, no, wait, is that a whistle? Yeah. It was a train. And we have to dive for safety once again.
Not even going to go in to what this cryptic (to those who don’t know me/us/our lives) post is about – just needed to rant and vent and shake my proverbial fists at it all.
It hurts me right down to the bone. It breaks my heart to see how he finally let himself be positive, to believe it was all going to go right for a change… only to have it taken from him, one more time, thanks to incompetence and idiocy and sheer sneering small-minded crap from this unit. And human resources too… one moment it’s all go, the next it’s “oh no, it’s over” and that’s that.
So that’s it, Universe. We’re moving on from the whole idea. We’re setting our sights on what’s next, where to next, how we can get over this and through this and wash all the sh*t off from this whole experience. I’m still gnashing my teeth though. I’m angry for him. Angry at the Army. Angry at those who chose their own careers over helping someone who helps them (and everyone else) without any regard for what he gets out of it. Someone who tries his hardest at _everything_ he is given to do – whether he enjoys it or not. There’s no 20% with my man, he is 100% all the time for everything. And they just left him hanging, over and over again, because it didn’t advance them where they wanted it to. Only one person has tried to help and he has washed up against that brick wall of pettiness over and over again – but he keeps trying. He knows how amazing my husband is. What a great soldier he is. A great person. He knows how they have screwed him over so many times that any lesser man would have lost all measure of his own worth. But my husband gets up, brushes himself off, and says, “Is that the best you can do?” and puts his hands up again.
He’s a fighter – he never quits.
But he’s not stupid, and we now know that we’ve exhausted all avenues and jumped through every burning hoop and slashed our way through every red tape forest that was put in our path. We are moving on. Upward and onward. To better things.
Better things. Please.